How parents can help their child succeed in school.

Are You a Parent?

Yes! 🙂

Then congratulations, you have to play different roles for the rest of your life. 😂

Why Is Parenting More Than Just Parenting?
 

You have to play different roles like a teacher, a friend, a wellwisher and unknowingly an enemy sometimes. But no buddy knows when your kid(s) think that you are acting like an enemy. Young adults or teenagers often express their feelings through silence, not arguments when you overrule their requests or rights. You often have to switch your role from a supervisor to a support system, from a teacher to a friend forever. Modern parenting requires adaptability, not authority. The key to successful parenting is to understand your child's feelings and actions, and that is how you'll find out the best way to help them next.

In the early days, How do parents of millennials deal with the situation? 😀 

“When he doesn’t listen to his own father, what on earth will he listen to a teacher for? 

This will have to be corrected.” Now the punishment has begun → slap after slap, using whatever comes to hand: a belt, a shoe, a broom. He is being beaten.

But parents, ZenZ, Gen Alpha or the younger end of Gen Z. will not be able to handle this kind of pressure. It’s you who handles it just because of hard parenting. But you have to focus on gentle parenting. :)  In this blog you will learn how to help a child succeed in school, particularly focusing on the shift from "hard parenting" (physical punishment) to “gentle parenting.”

Building a Focus-Friendly habitat

Instead of forcing kids to study, create an environment where studying happens naturally. Here are a few actionable ways you can shift your parenting style today.

• No-phone zone: Create a rule where phones are parked in the living room during study hours. And your kid learns things from you so you have to put your phone first. 

• Sleep is non-negotiable: After long hours of study or to study continuously during exam season sleep will play an important role. A tired brain is a stubborn brain. Ensure that your kid completes at least 8 hours of sleep. Pulling all-nighters is a sign of poor planning not hard work. 

• Add the magic word: often parents don't do this. When your child says “I don't understand this” , correct them gently. “You don’t understand this yet”. This will motivate them and help them to deal with the pressure.

• Celebrate the struggle: When children are struggling with a mat problem, don’t jump in to solve it immediately. Let them try to figure out the solution. Praise the effort of trying: say “I love how you are sticking with this difficult problem”. They will find the way and their mind creates a path in their subconscious mind to solve all the similar problems. 

• Normalize failure: Share stories of your time. When you were their age how you solved your own mistakes. How you fix similar problems in your office. 

• Schedule boredom: In our growing hyper-connected world, kids rarely get a moment of silence. Allow them 25-30 minutes of unstructured time. At this time they are not required to study,  don’t be productive, do chores etc. just they are with themself. This is essential for creativity, problem-solving and processing the emotions for a long school day. 

• Hobbies are brain fuel: Dear parents please never treat hobbies as a waste of time. Whether it’s playing cricket, painting or learning a guitar. These activities train the brain and improve neuroplasticity. These activities provide a necessary emotional outlet and a sense of achievement that is separate from grade. Preventing the burnout that comes from a single-minded focus on academics. 

• Weekend detox: Keep at least a half day may be on Sunday where there is no academic zone. This time I refuse to discuss homework, grades or school projects. Let the home feel like a sanctuary rather than a coaching center 🙂. This downtime lowers stress hormones and reminds your child that your relationship with them is bigger than their report card. 
   

Why Emotional Safety Comes Before Academic Success?
 

A brain in “survival mode” literally cannot learn. If a child is afraid of your reaction his/her mind will go in survival mode in that he/she can only think about how to survive? Which is a natural instinct given by nature. To deal with this first create a no-stress study zone and then when they feel comfortable talk about studying their study plan etc..

Being a parent you have to shift the focus from result to the process. Instead of asking how much you will score in exams? What is the percentage you can achieve? Ask them what is the most interesting or difficult thing that you cover today? Are you able to understand concepts or need support? This approach will give motivation and improve problem solving techniques of your kid than making them feel questioned about the validity of their efforts.

Choose Motivation over Constant Monitoring

Consistent monitoring feels like a surveillance camera installed on you to watch everything that you do. It indicates to the child that “I don't trust you”. Motivation on the other hand helps them to improve. Instead of hovering over them, while they are doing homework. Set goals together. Let them take the ownership. When your kid feels responsible, they don’t need a supervisor, they need an internal advice or support system.
 

Talk Less, Listen More: The Parenting Skill That Changes Everything You know when a child stops talking, it’s usually because they feel that they are being judged. They doubt themself that they are saying wrong or something negative going on so stop. 

So rather than looking at them with popped eyes, just try the 80/20 rule. Listen to them 80% of the time and speak 20%. When they complain about a difficult teacher or a hard physics chapter, don’t just jump in with a lecture that “you are not attentive in class” or “you might be busy in dreams”.

Just listen to them and agree… once they feel heard they find the solution themselves or in extreme cases help them to overcome. 

Why Children Learn Better When Parents Act as Partners, Not Inspectors

You will not believe that an inspector always looks for mistakes to correct them but a partner looks for a solution. The behavior of the inspector is correct that he/she is working on a person to win so their strictness is fine. But for parents this is a bad choice. 
 

When you sit with your kid to look at their schoolwork, don’t act like a boss. Act like a teammate. Ask them how we can handle these difficult chapters together? Or “ should we find a tutor who can explain this better?” or “you can watch a youtube video” that will help you to understand the concept.
 

This partnership removes the pressure of “parent vs child” and replaces it with a common goal. 

The Real Definition of Success for a Parent

Success is not a report card full of A’s or B’s. If you feel so please don’t mind if i say that you are the -ve parent. The real success is raising a human being who isn’t afraid to ask questions, who knows how to bounce back from failure and who still wants to talk to you when they fail.
 

Conclusion

You might read the entire blog but does your kid understand what “academic success” or “becoming a topper” even means? 

Why do they have to go to school every day? 

Why are they learning things like physics, maths etc which may not be relevant for them.

Frankly speaking, When i was in my 12th grade, my parents never heard these questions. Because they only understood the teacher's language. If a teacher says your kid is good in academics that means they won the war. But if a teacher says your kid is bad in academics, then the battle starts at home.

Today, we know better. Your child isn't a soldier in a war, they are a seed in a garden. Your job isn't to beat the "wrong" out of them, but to provide the right soil, sun, and water so they can grow. Academic success is a byproduct of a happy, supported mind.
 

Let’s stop winning wars and start building futures.